Tears

How can I ever fully describe the suffering here or even the things I have seen? Tonight on my peds rounds, I took care of a 1 day old baby whose mother died after childbirth. She hadn't had any milk in 24 hours and the pharmacy was closed, but thankfully I was able to get some formula from Hollie (a missionary wife who has a 3 month old). As I was leaving, they called me over to see a 12 day old who I had admitted yesterday for neonatal sepsis. When Dr. Jones and I examined her we realized that the baby was already dead. I don't know how long this mother had been holding her dead child, but she started sobbing when we told her. It is times like these I feel so helpless and the only thing I know to do is pray for God's comfort. I came back to the house with a heavy heart and tears streaming down my face. I have only cried a few times since I've been here. Maybe it's because I haven't allowed myself to cry, afraid that I won't stop. Or maybe it's because I've seen so much during my time here that I haven't begun to process it all. But tonight I cry, for this woman who lost her child, for this baby that will grow up without a mother, for all those that are suffering because of sickness and death. I pray and thank God for His peace and ask Him to comfort these people. And may I be an instrument of His love here at this hospital and wherever I go.